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10 Things that’ll definitely happen during the Lions Tour

THE ALL BLACKS PERFORM THE HAKA. PHOTO: GETTY

10 games, 10 things. Martin Devlin takes a look at what we can expect over the next six weeks as the Lions Tour finally gets underway:

  1. The Lions WILL lose. At least once. (C’mon people, not even Gats in his wildest dreams believes his team can go through this whole tour without losing a solitary match)

  1. The ODI (O’Driscoll Incident) WILL be revisited. At least once. And that’s every day. By the time of the Wellington test the initial trickle will become a deluge of “what if/if only” articles and tedious television replays offering angles even Pythagoras hadn’t thought of. When said scribes finally exhaust all remaining interest in that infamous non-event, seeing it is a capital occasion, expect the odd mention also of “Dan Carter’s test”, “Trapper’s test” and the “Batty Intercept”.

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  1. Clichés as far as the eye can see. The match versus NZ Maori will be unofficially tagged “the 4th test”, Eden Park will be called a “fortress”, The All Blacks haka labelled an unfair advantage Stephen Jones will bemoan the lack of humility exhibited by AB fans. If any or all of these were ONLY mentioned once it’ll be an absolute blessing.

  1. Clive will not be missed. Not a single person in New Zealand will lament the fact that Clive Woodward is no longer coach nor that Alistair Campbell hasn’t reappeared as the tour spin doctor. Not one single one. Not even once.

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  1. All Black fans will chant “Black, Black, Black” during a test. Much more than just once.

  1. Sonny Bill Williams, even if he doesn’t play, will be front page focus of foreign media interest. At least once. With his shirt off.

  1. England coach Eddie Jones will add his opinion on how beatable the All Blacks look. Not once but every single opportunity he gets.

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  1. Lions supporters will be fulsomely praised in one collective countrywide warm embrace. They’ll be described as “great sports”, “wonderful visitors” and “knowledgeable passionate fans who just love their rugby”. Unless of course their team beats us in the test series. Whereupon immediately they’ll become arrogant pompous imperialist public-schooboy rugger-bugger Pommy twats. (We’ll still love the Taffs, Jocks and Micks though – goes without saying?) Well, if not then just once!

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  1. Us home fans will continue to consider ourselves nothing but the fairest, most appreciative and forever humble rugby supporters on the planet known for our mature yet competitive respect for the inventors of this game they play in heaven. -Which we just happen to be the best in the world at – something we might even mention. Once or twice.

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  1. The Lions will depart these shores safe in the knowledge their reputation and record upon arrival remains entirely intact. i.e. They’ve only ever won here…Once!

 

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J
JW 15 hours ago
The Fergus Burke test and rugby's free market

I can guarantee that none of the three would have got a chance with Ireland in the state they arrived from NZ.

Why would you think they would?

Two of them were at Leinster and were bench-warmers when they arrived

Sometimes you can be beyond stupid JW.

Haha look who's talking! Hello? Can you just read what you wrote about Leinster to yourself again please lol

It took prob four seasons to get James Lowe's defence up to the required standard to play international footy. If Jacob Stockdale had not experienced a big slump in form he might not have gotten the chance at all.

I'm really not sure why you're making this point. Do you think Ireland are a better team than the All Blacks, where those players would have been straight in? This is like ground hog day the movie with you. Can you not remember much of the discussions, having so many readers/commentors? Yup, 26/7/8 would have been the perfect age for them to have been capped by NZ as well.


Actually, they would obviously have been capped given an opportunity earlier (where they were ineligible to for Ireland).


TTT, who was behind JGP at the Hurricanes, got three AB caps after a couple of further seasons acting as a backup SR player, once JGP left of course. In case you didn't see yourself contradicting your own comments above, JGP was just another player who became first choice for Ireland while 2nd (or even 3rd/outside the 23 in recent cases) for Leinster. And fair enough, no one is suggesting JGP would have surpassed TJP in three or four years either. He would have been an All Black though, and unlike in your Leinster example, similar performances from him would have seen TJP move on earlier to make way for him. Not limited him like he was in Ireland. That's just the advantage of the way they can only afford so many. Hell, one hit wonders like Seta Tamanivalu and Malakai Fekitoa got rocketed into the jersey at the time.


So not just him. Aki and Lowe both would have had opportunities, as you must know has been pointed out by now. It's true that the adversity of having to move to Ireland added a nice bit of mongrel to their game though, along with their typical development.


Aki looked comfortable as the main 12 in his first two seasons, he was fortunate SBW went back to league for a season you could say, but as a similar specialist he ultimate had to give the spot back again on his return. There's certainly no doubt he would have returned and flourished with coachs like Rennie, Wayne Smith, and Andrew Strawbridge, even Tom Coventry. All fair for him to take up an immediate contract instead of wait a year of course though.


It's just whatever the point of your comments are meant to make, your idea that these players wouldn't have achieved high honors in NZ is simply very shortsighted and simplistic. I can only think you are making incorrect conclusions about this topic because of this mistake. As a fan, Aki was looking to be the Nonu replacement for me, but instead the country had the likes of Laumape trying to fill those boots with him available. Ditto with Lowe once Rieko moved to center.

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