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A Tale of Two Rugbies: An Englishman's Sad Northern Hemisphere Admission

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Northern Hemisphere correspondent Lee Calvert despairs at the gulf in quality between the weekend’s Super Rugby and European Champions Cup matches.

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Southern Hemisphere rugby is, usually, the best rugby on planet. There, I’ve said it.

Often, as a person from the Northern Hemisphere and an Englishman to boot this is not an easy thing to let pass your lips for myriad reasons; the main one being the pang of disloyalty that comes with saying it. After all the Kiwis know they’re the best and never stop bloody banging on about it, so why give them the satisfaction of saying it out loud? If us Northern Hemisphere fans don’t big up our game then who the hell is going to? The Aussies? They’re too busy trying to decipher Quade Cooper. Oh, and they hate us. And everyone else.


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There are times when this truth is not quite so obvious. England have won a World Cup – did we mention that? – and the team in white do occasionally dish out a beating to even the All Blacks. But it has to be said that this is probably a bit like the story of the man who once kissed Beyoncé and never stopped talking about it, but if you asked Queen Bey she’d say “who?” Unless it was Gavin Henson, she’d remember that, alright.

However the gulf between the hemispheres has seldom been as apparent as this weekend, when you compare the semi-finals of the European Champions Cup – the premier competition on the topside of the world – with what Super Rugby was serving up. If Charles Dickens were around today he may have changed the subject of one of his famous novels and called it A Tale of Two Rugbies, and the famous opening paragraph would have gone something like:

It was the best of handling, it was the worst of handling, it was the age of sound decisions, it was the age of wanging the ball and hoping, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch panicking and keeping it tight, it was the season of offloads, it was the season of knock-ons…

Hurricanes vs Chiefs was a sumptuous feast for a rugby fan. It had speed, it had craft and it had forwards who looked comfortable on the ball. Trust me, that’s still a bit like seeing Halley’s comet up here: turns up every few decades, everyone stares incredulously, then it burns out to leave only things that don’t really move. Even the Sunwolves, who according to some media down south should be exiled to the third division of the Madagascan Lemurs-only League, played a brand of rugby only sporadically seen in Europe.

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Juxtapose this against Leicester vs Racing 92 the second match of the final elimination stage of the ERC Champions Cup. Leicester are a grand old side who have enjoyed great historical success and are undergoing something of a style renaissance under Aaron Mauger while Racing have so much money they will probably turn up in the Panama Papers at some point. Given all this, it is hard to fathom how the game ended up looking like 30 men with sausages for fingers attempting to unhook a bra. Every modicum of reasonable play was inevitably followed by a handling error, dreadful pass or terrible refereeing decision – I can only assume Nigel Owens fancied joining in with festival of maladroitness that was raging around him.

Towards the end, the mistakes were so inevitable it was like watching one of those documentaries about Tourette’s sufferers where no matter how well something is going for them, you know they will ruin it by bellowing a swear word at some point.

Of course, any competition can have a poor game in it, so is it reading too much into this game to suggest it is indicative of the whole hemisphere? Unfortunately not. Last year’s Rugby World Cup was mostly made wonderful by the non-European teams playing rugby that was both enjoyable to watch and effective; this has continued into the regular season. There has been drama in the North and there have been exciting games because of that, but Saracens being the best team tells you that their soul-splintering brand of ruthless efficiency is enough to overcome most of what comes their way.

This summer sees England visit Australia, Wales roll into NZ, a horribly out of form Ireland team face the Boks and Scotland take on Japan. If this weekend was anything to go by, it could be a cruel summer.

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J
JW 6 hours ago
Does South Africa have a future in European competition?

I rated Lowe well enough to be an AB. Remember we were picking the likes of George Bridge above such players so theres no disputing a lot of bad decisions have been made by those last two coaches. Does a team like the ABs need a finicky winger who you have to adapt and change a lot of your style with to get benefit from? No, not really. But he still would have been a basic improvement on players like even Savea at the tail of his career, Bridge, and could even have converted into the answer of replacing Beauden at the back. Instead we persisted with NMS, Naholo, Havili, Reece, all players we would have cared even less about losing and all because Rieko had Lowe's number 11 jersey nailed down.


He was of course only 23 when he decided to leave, it was back in the beggining of the period they had started retaining players (from 2018 onwards I think, they came out saying theyre going to be more aggressive at some point). So he might, all of them, only just missed out.


The main point that Ed made is that situations like Lowe's, Aki's, JGP's, aren't going to happen in future. That's a bit of a "NZ" only problem, because those players need to reach such a high standard to be chosen by the All Blacks, were as a country like Ireland wants them a lot earlier like that. This is basically the 'ready in 3 years' concept Ireland relied on, versus the '5 years and they've left' concept' were that player is now ready to be chosen by the All Blacks (given a contract to play Super, ala SBW, and hopefully Manu).


The 'mercenary' thing that will take longer to expire, and which I was referring to, is the grandparents rule. The new kids coming through now aren't going to have as many gp born overseas, so the amount of players that can leave with a prospect of International rugby offer are going to drop dramatically at some point. All these kiwi fellas playing for a PI, is going to stop sadly.


The new era problem that will replace those old concerns is now French and Japanese clubs (doing the same as NRL teams have done for decades by) picking kids out of school. The problem here is not so much a national identity one, than it is a farm system where 9 in 10 players are left with nothing. A stunted education and no support in a foreign country (well they'll get kicked out of those countries were they don't in Australia).


It's the same sort of situation were NZ would be the big guy, but there weren't many downsides with it. The only one I can think was brought up but a poster on this site, I can't recall who it was, but he seemed to know a lot of kids coming from the Islands weren't really given the capability to fly back home during school xms holidays etc. That is probably something that should be fixed by the union. Otherwise getting someone like Fakatava over here for his last year of school definitely results in NZ being able to pick the cherries off the top but it also allows that player to develop and be able to represent Tonga and under age and possibly even later in his career. Where as a kid being taken from NZ is arguably going to be worse off in every respect other than perhaps money. Not going to develop as a person, not going to develop as a player as much, so I have a lotof sympathy for NZs case that I don't include them in that group but I certainly see where you're coming from and it encourages other countries to think they can do the same while not realising they're making a much worse experience/situation.

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