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'I felt as though I'd embarrassed myself on a world stage': All Blacks midfielder's revelations

Anton Lienert-Brown put in a man-of-the-match display for the All bLacks as they beat Namibia 71-9. (Photo by David Rogers/Getty Images)
Anton Lienert-Brown has become a regular of the All Blacks midfield, and is set to make his return to the starting side for the highly anticipated second Bledisloe Cup test at Eden Park.

Just shy of 50 test caps, the 25-year-old will bring some useful experience and poise to the All Blacks backline.

Leading into last year’s Rugby World Cup in Japan, some were calling him the best midfielder in rugby, but his journey to becoming a world class player hasn’t always been easy.

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The Aotearoa Rugby Pod discuss who they have picked for the Healthspan Elite Performance of the Week from the first Bledisloe test between the All Blacks and the Wallabies.

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The Aotearoa Rugby Pod discuss who they have picked for the Healthspan Elite Performance of the Week from the first Bledisloe test between the All Blacks and the Wallabies.

To kick off Mental Health Awareness Week in New Zealand late last month, Lienert-Brown spoke with The XV, a long-form rugby content website, about his battles with fear and doubt throughout this career.

After a number of injuries in the Chiefs squad, at just 18-years-old, he was named to make his Super Rugby debut against the Bulls at Loftus Versfield.

Lienert-Brown was tasked with marking Springboks flyer Bjorn Basson. Just before he was subbed off in the 50th minute, Basson stepped around him and ran away for a nicely worked try. After trailing 15-34, the Chiefs rallied and earned a 34-all draw, but this was little comfort for Lienert-Brown.

In ‘School of Hard Knocks’, he said: “From that Chiefs debut, it took me a while to fully regain my confidence as a rugby player.

“I was young, I felt as though I let down my teammates and my family, and I felt as though I’d embarrassed myself on a world stage.

“When I first started playing for the Chiefs, I was comparing how I performed for them with how I’d performed at school because I guess that was the last time I’d actually played rugby. But Super Rugby’s obviously a few levels up and you can’t quite do the same things that you got away with at school; it took me a while to understand that.

— The XV (@TheXV) September 29, 2020

“I went through the Under 20s tournament and I started to be myself as a rugby player again. I wasn’t thinking so much about the outcome, I guess, but I was just playing rugby. That’s where it really started.

“In 2015, the next year, I played a handful of games for the Chiefs. I was one year wiser and I started building a bit of momentum as a player and I started being confident at that level. I played in another Under 20s campaign, which we won, and it probably took until then that my confidence really built up inside me again as a rugby player.”

After becoming a regular for the Chiefs in 2016, Lienert-Brown was included in the All Blacks squad for The Rugby Championship as injury cover.

But just like his start at the Chiefs, injuries paved the way for his debut, with Sonny Bill Williams injured while on Sevens duty, while a concussion sidelined Ryan Crotty.

At just 21-years-old, Lienert-Brown was set for his test debut, but felt that he was more mentally prepared unlike his Chiefs debut a few years earlier.

“The best thing about my 2014 debut when I was 18 was, I learned so many lessons from that. In the same way, I was chucked in the deep end a little for my first game for the All Blacks. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but one promise I made to myself post that Chiefs debut was that if I had the opportunity again, I wouldn’t go into my shell.

“Against the Bulls, I made a couple of mistakes and I went into my shell a bit and I didn’t fully express myself. All week in the lead up to my All Blacks debut, I said to myself, ‘no matter what happens – even if I go out there and drop four balls in a row – I’m still going to express myself’.

The full article appears on The XV.Rugby. Register now for a free trail and get access to long-form and thoughtful editorial content from award-winning journalists and content creators.

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SK 15 minutes ago
Why England's defence of the realm has crumbled without Felix Jones

The way they are defending is sometime pathetic to be honest. Itoje is usually on the inside of the rush and he is paired with a slower tight forward. Unable to keep up with the rush we have seen the line become disconnected on the inside where the big boys are. How many times have we seen Earl rush past the first receiver almost into no mans land covering no attacker. It looks like a system without any guidance. Tome Wright, Ikitau and a number of Wallabies went back to this soft centre as did Williams, Jordan and several others. Also when the line is broken the multiple lines of defence seems to be missing. The rush is predicated on a cover and recovery system with multiple lines of defence but with England you dont see it any more. Fitness and conditioning seems to be off as well as players are struggling to keep up with the intensity of the rush. Felix Jones has left a huge hole. The whole situation was and is a mess. Why they insist on not letting him go and having him work remotely is beyond me. Its leading to massive negative press and is a hot button issue thats distracting from the squad. Also the communication around Jones and his role has been absolute rubbish and is totally disjointed. While some say he is working remotely and playing a role others are saying theres been no contact. His role has not been defined and so people keep asking and keep getting different answers. England need a clean break from him and need to start over. Whatever reason for his leaving its time to cut the rope before the saga drags the whole Borthwick regime down. As for Joe El Abd well good luck to him. He is being made to look like an amateur by the whole saga and he is being asked to coach a system thats not his and which has been perfected and honed since 2017 by Nienaber, Jones, Erasmus and Co and which was first started by White in 2004. He is literally trying to figure out a system pioneered by double world cup winning coaches at the highest level and coach it at the same time. Talk about being on a hiding to nothing.

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