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'Blood everywhere, missing teeth, broken noses, black eyes. It was horrifying.'

The new season of RugbyPass Offload aired this week, bringing with it the introduction of a new section in which an extract from a legend’s autobiography is read.

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Max Lahiff and Ryan Wilson joined host Marc Edwards in episode one, where Lahiff put his oratory skills to good use and read out a rather extreme excerpt from an autobiography for Wilson, who had to guess who the legend was.

This is the extract, see if you can work out who it was written by, and watch the video below to find out the author: “We ended up at a dodgy South African nightclub. I still don’t know how we settled on that particular place, but somehow half the World Cup squads were there, blowing off steam after the tournament. South Africa was still a pretty divided country racially in some scenarios. I remember being vaguely conscious that some parts of the crowd might have been disturbed by the Polynesians in our midst.

“Out of the blue, a voice boomed out over the club’s sound system: ‘Could all the New Zealanders please leave the premises immediately’. Shocked at what was unfolding, Luke McAlister and I fled the venue and the pending violence.

“We didn’t know it yet, but that one random, somewhat selfish decision might have ended up saving lives. As soon as we left things exploded. Players started brawling with the bouncers. But what sent the whole scene over the edge was when reinforcements arrived not long after. That included several fans arriving and big security types piled out.

“It became a scene of extreme violence, and guys from both sides were getting seriously beaten up. The whole thing had a level of violence way beyond the average pub brawl. Sam Tuitupou laid a couple of guys out, before being overrun.

“Then gunshots rang out.

“The gunfire saw members of the New Zealand Under-21 team seek the refuge of their team vans. Sam had been pistol-whipped, Jason Shoemark had copped a hell of a beating. As the vans tried to leave, the windows were smashed in – guys were jumping fences, just running for their lives.”

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“We headed back to the hotel scared out of our minds, still not sure what had happened. When we arrived it was just carnage. There were guys with blood everywhere, guys missing teeth, broken noses, black eyes. It was horrifying. Everyone was terrified, scared for their lives.

“I still don’t know if guns were being shot at people, or whether security guards were just shooting in the air to put the s*** up them. It doesn’t really matter – the fact that they had guns and were pistol whipping guys and pointing them at us made the situation by far the most serious and intense I’d encountered at any point in my playing career.”

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PL 2 hours ago
Lions Tour Aussie takes: Bigger is better, the stars who failed to fire

I find it interesting that journalists who have done nothing in rugby comment on selections & coaching like they are experts

Concussive injury’s will remove insurance cover from the game unless their is strict application of the laws designed to remove MND Parkinson’s and CTE from the game


Head on head I saw red to Adam Coleman as tackler for Irish while unconscious on a stretcher - concussions occur without twitching on the ground or the wobbly boot - I know I had maybe 20 from rugby


The officiating of last feet is non existent

The lack of effective wrap by Lions front rower & that decision had a close relationship with ordure in a toilet

A head on head tackle red for Coleman not even penalty lead to a try in a phase or 2


Powys v Evans lead to a £> 2 mill verdict against the ref personally special leveraged to Hiuse of Lords

Refs will stop reffing with no insurance then no game


About 5 years ago 4 or 5 French colts died from head hits in elite club games - that led to below sternum law - hamlets honoured in breach not observance

Last feet non existent - enforcement favour flowing rugby nor lions meat grinder forwards get momentum and puck & drive NZ Vowel noise


The UK Class Action could be very well be lost WRC will try every dirty trick in case they already used dial a neuros to argue the unarguable is law gossip


I reffed ref coached & assessed for ruffly 17 seasons


The application of laws is like a zig zag on speed

Line out laws not enforced scrums tight pulling loose down one side mirror on other side elbow pointing to ground stretch marks on jersey

Der moment the refs need to go Soec Savers

My bet unless they stop lack of intestinal fortitude game management


Yellow every time head contact or above sternum


Needs sterner GMGs material impact removed set piece caterpillar remove

Last feet to last feet + 1 m


When I reffed I kept them well apart - hated me till they got over yellow and they actually had fun & complemented me post game backs had room and pick and drive had momentum


As for intentional foul play like tackle in air auto red no replacement 100,000 fine player 250,000 club


Treble it for international 26 week suspension & it’s disappear over night

25 were scrum for dissent


Penalty all this rubbish shots at opponents after error


All the s.ite would disappear


The pathetic unsportsmanlike behaviour would lead to standards


Remember Les Boyd’s penalty re Brohman -if that is the way we treat foul play but while foul play with potential serious injury with a feather duster like we are the game is destined to no insurance following that no refs cause would you risk bankruptcy like Powys v Evans

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