Fishing for Big Vern: The tactics of Eddie Jones' post-match interview

Another game, another show-stealing post-match performance from England’s master tactician, writes Scotty Stevenson.

No one should be surprised at all by England coach Eddie Jones’ farcical comments following his side’s 36-15 defeat of Italy at Twickenham on Sunday, but in the rush to understand those comments, and Italy’s expert use of rugby’s idiosyncratic ruck laws, you could be forgiven for having missed Jones using his platform to do what he does best: take a crack at his next opponent.

It was buried somewhere in the stinking pile of gracelessness that constituted his post-match interview, but it was most certainly there – a now-typical Eddie Jones dagger thrust, this time aimed at the chest (give him that at least) of Scotland and their coach Vern Cotter.

By now we all know that Jones didn’t consider the Italian match a game of rugby, going so far as to suggest the team may have to go back onto the pitch for a training run so the spectators could be entertained. “It’s hard when you don’t play rugby,” Jones offered as a response to why his team had taken so long to react and then to nullify the Italian tactics.

Surely it is sheer lunacy to claim an international team of England’s calibre didn’t understand the laws of the game. However, when you consider referee Romain Poite gave the same ‘tackle only’ message to England’s defence at least three times in the first 15 minutes of the match and yet they did not once leave their line to take advantage of the regulation, it may not be as crazy as it sounds.

Never fear. Having left a burley trail of throw-downs on the Italians, World Rugby, and the referee, Jones was quick to cast his line into the churning, unpredictable waters of the upcoming fortnight and wait for someone to take the bait. Of course, the prize fish was Vern Cotter, whose Scottish side, according to Jones, would never dare be so bold as to make it hard for England’s attack line to spark itself into action. “I’m sure they are going to play proper rugby,” said the England coach, quoting from the endlessly entertaining Gospel of Eddie.

There was more to it, though, as there always is behind the perma-smile and the bespoke cloak of self-assuredness that have elevated Jones from international rugby coach to international rugby iconoclast.

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“We’ve got Scotland in two weeks which is going to be fantastic because they’re already talking it up,” he told the BBC, without feeling the need to clarify who ‘they’ actually are, presumably because that hardly matters these days. It was as calculated a line as Jones has yet delivered, but done so with the trademark brio that, depending on your disposition, is either exceedingly endearing or as infuriating as a joke without a punchline.

He continued: “You know they’ve got belief, they’ve got confidence. Confidence leads to better performances, better performances lead to high expectation, and now they have to carry around the burden of Scotland’s expectations for the next two weeks.” Holy shit! Did Jones just troll Scotland with a corporate monologue from a discarded The Office scene? Yes he damn well did. Did he also just use the words ‘burden ‘, ‘expectations’ and ‘Scotland’ in the same sentence?

No one in Scotland will be taking Jones’ comments seriously, least of all Vern Cotter who, according to Jones “won’t have the same tactics that were here. He’s a New Zealand guy. They like the breakdown. They like the contact.”

Well, yes, Jones would love Scotland to roll into Twickenham and engage in the rugby equivalent of a pint-throwing pub fight. The England side has shown in this tournament that its close-in defence is the best in the competition with Maro Itoje and Courtney Lawes leading the way, and the rotating opensiders offering staunch assistance. Scotland should not be conned into close quarter battle.

Instead, if the Scots are serious about taking the Calcutta Cup back to Murrayfield, they would be better advised to play the craziest brand of rugby they can conjure – with flair, blatant disregard for the opposition, and cold-blooded ruthlessness. Sort of like an Eddie Jones post-match interview, but minus the sanctimony.

Not that they need any advice from this columnist. They’ll already be getting enough of that over the next couple of weeks. And no prizes for guessing from whom it will be coming.