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'Mitchell’s cup overfloweth': An alternative uncapped Red Roses starting line up
Up in the stands at this weekend’s humming, enthralling PWR semi-finals, sat England head coach John Mitchell – his dark-hued Red Roses beanie doing precisely nothing to preserve his anonymity – as many of the world’s best players, with survival on the line, emptied their pockets onto the table.
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Chips, cards, spare change, blood, sweat, lint, tears, house keys, dog biscuits, more sweat… tickets to this year’s final cost everything – and then some.
The talent at his disposal is peerless – there is no player pool, men’s or women’s, as dominant as the Red Roses’ – and, as a consequence, there are magnificent individuals who will never don that hallowed white jersey.
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The impending Six Nations will be without a hoard of England-qualified battering rams and laser beams, who’d stroll into other countries’ formations, forced to bide their time, or – worse – never have it at all.
And so, as the latest cohort descend upon Pennyhill, here’s – for your delectation – a 1-15 of uncapped English powerhouses.
1. Simi Pam. Bristol’s front row resources are otherworldly, and Pam might just be the best PWR loosehead without a regular starting berth. Her dynamism is infamous – some of the shifts she’s put in will go down in Bristolian rugby legend – but it’s, increasingly, the less flashy stuff which counts.
Her nuts and bolts grow tighter by the season, head coach Dave Ward has heaped praise on her professionalism, and she’ll do anything and everything for the benefit of the team. Introduced at half time, as a flanker, in Sunday’s semi-final: unhesitating and destructive.
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2. Lucy Simpson. When Sean Lynn, Dan Murphy, and Andrew Ford – the most passionate and eagle-eyed managers at Hartpury Talent Factory – tell you that they’re properly excited about someone, you listen. From the glimpses we’ve had of this teenage whirlwind, they’ve every right to be.
3. Flo Long. Warrior-turned-postie-turned-Chief. After Worcester’s demise, the tighthead – who has U20s honours – stepped away from the professional game and delivered packages for a couple of years – rather than her usual bruising services – before Susie Appleby coaxed her to Exeter. Getting fit again? Horrendous, by all accounts – but she’s back – and rediscovering some eye-catching form.
4. Shya Pinnock. Such an easy pick. The teenager sprint and MMA sensation has been a crackling menace for Gloucester-Hartpury, Wasps, and now Trailfinders – seemingly hewn from titanium, and oozing power. She tackles at 92%, crosses the gainline with fearsome ease, is a line-out option as both recipient and thief, and exudes a contagious relentlessness.
5. Steph Else. Mentored by fellow Scarborough RFC graduate, Zoe Aldcroft, and already sharing so many of the Red Roses captain’s attributes. Whilst the Circus’ heavyweights were overseas, she skippered the champions just as impressively as she has done England U20s of late – whilst churning out standout performances: agile in the carry, industrious in defence, and increasingly crafty at line-out time.
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6. Nicole Wythe. It’s testament to Wythe’s impact that she’s not played since December, but was one of the first names on this list – and we all came to realise, within weeks of her injury, how crucial she had been to a suddenly-sputtering Harlequins. The closest thing the PWR has to an educated tornado: devastating with or without the ball, whilst fiendishly accurate and intelligent with her involvements.
7. Christiana Balogun. Staring down the barrel of a mid-season implosion, Bears headed to Sandy Park in January, in desperate need of a result – and were promptly shorn of Evie Gallagher. Up stepped Balogun, who – via approximately a thousand involvements – declared herself undroppable, and proceeded to bring relish and fearlessness into each of their remaining fixtures.
8. Charlotte Fray. The devil works hard – but Fray, emphatically, works harder. She’s, perhaps, more of a lock – but has demolished just as effectively from the base for Tigers, who will have their work cut out retaining one of the league’s hottest talents.
The 24-year-old has all the physical attributes she could possibly want, but it’s her hustle which is standout – and saw her become one of the first names on Tom Hudson’s team sheets – ‘if not *the* first.’
9. Flo Robinson. The scrum-half will be capped within weeks of this article’s publication, but the number nine jumper is hers nevertheless. She sees the game as though in slow motion, boasts a wicked pass, hits with – somehow – about three times her bodyweight, and is developing quite the kicking repertoire.
Her USP? Wreaking havoc around the ruck. Robinson made ground with 88 of her 121 carries this campaign – almost all of which were accompanied by an expletive from a defender, having made the fatal error of offering this nippy pest an inch.
10. Amelia MacDougall. The fly-half bases her game on the potent blend of Zoe Harrison, Marcus Smith, Finn Russell, and Owen Farrell – and is the coolest cucumber in this line-up… Perhaps of any line-up. The U20s and Saracens playmaker dismantled Harlequins in Round 15 in the absence of team mate Harrison – from whom she’s clearly learning plenty about game management and effortless prolificacy off the tee – and is just straight-up impressive.
11. Millie David. Her finish on Sunday was astonishing. She collects beaten defenders like panini stickers, notched 17 tries in her debut season, and has such raw pace that the nickname ‘Millie Whizz’ barely scratches the surface. When the supersonic tyro burst onto the scene in October, she was enthusing about the prospect of playing in the 2029 World Cup. At this stage, you can’t help but wonder if she was being a good four years’ too modest.
12. Sarah Parry. ‘An absolute demon in contact.’ -Sarah Bonar. ‘Nothing phases her. Exceptional.’ – Ross Chisholm. ‘Wow. Let’s take a closer look’ – John Mitchell. Admittedly – the last one’s guesswork, but it’s unsurprising to see the teenager – so impactful at Queensholm that Chisholm rearranged his semi-final backline so she could feature – headed to Pennyhill this week.
13. Emma Hardy. Zoe Harrison doesn’t dole out praise for the sake of it, but the out-half sat back in her chair last week – when asked about Hardy – and pondered the centre’s first season in black, before speaking about her ‘unseen’ but ‘crucial’ work in their midfield. ‘She’s a very, very good player,’ the Red Rose continued: the ying to Sophie Bridger’s mercurial yang – and an athlete who’s already become a fulcrum of Alex Austerberry’s title-hunting outfit.
14. We’ve been decisive in every position so far, so please humour this one dual-occupancy berth… Both Ren Bonner and Grace White are Bristol-hewn box office. Pace, power, and self belief in spades: the daredevils fans flock to watch, because they make things happen – leaving voices hoarse and jaws strewn around stands. They’re also effervescent personalities: the sort of twinkling, quirky entertainers who enhance a culture no end.
15. Fran Goldthorp. The full back is almost too talented for her own good. Wanted by both hemispheres, in two codes – but, for now, juggling things with the sort of aplomb you’d expect from an athlete of her calibre.
She’s committed to the North Queensland Cowboys until late 2027, but we’ve all heard Nathan Smith saying that she’s the only strike weapon capable of wrestling that 15 shirt from Ellie Kildunne, and it’s surely a matter of when – not if – when contemplating the thought of her playing with a rose, rather than bull’s horns or a lightning bolt, on her chest.
Mitchell’s cup overfloweth: that’s some line-up.
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It’s a real shame Wythe is injured - I think she would have had a genuine chance to break into the Red Roses squad this season despite the strong competition in the back row. Given the nature of her injury - it looked like a shoulder dislocation - it’s possible that she will be fit over the summer and might have a chance of making the RWC training camp.
The future is “Rosey”. There are probably 3 or 4 England XVs higher up the pecking order than this one at the moment, but in 2028………..?
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