The moment we finally hit Peak Super Rugby

Between Beauden Barrett’s defensive cross-kick and the Highlanders’ three-tries-in-five-minutes comeback, Super Rugby was at its most Super Rugby-ish last weekend. Jamie Wall recaps the madness.

If you’re a northern hemisphere rugby follower who prides themselves on the appreciation of a good touchfinder or enjoys a good low-scoring forward battle, look away now. Last weekend summed up everything Super Rugby is about, with a record 562 points scored over eight games.

The lowest-ranked NZ team comfortably beat the Wallaby-stacked Waratahs, the Lions dined out on the Rebels in Melbourne and the Crusaders scored 50 points before the Bulls even really got a turn with the ball.

But two games in particular stood out. Wellington and Bloemfontein were the scenes of Super Rugby doing its absolute best to infuriate the traditionalists on Friday night, with two of the most ridiculous games you’ll see this season.

Just when you thought the Hurricanes, AKA ‘the Jordie and Beauden Barrett show’, couldn’t get more insane, they decided to throw the conventional wisdom of trying to win a game of rugby in the bin. Instead the 80 minutes against the Stormers at Westpac Stadium was simply an excuse for both of them to show off.

That's outrageous, even for a Barrett. #HURvSTO #SuperRugby

— Jamie Wall (@JamieWall2) May 5, 2017

I sent that in relation to Jordie’s absurd thief-like try when he wrenched the ball off Nizaam Carr. But, to be honest, the tweet could’ve been describing a whole bunch of things either brother did – Beauden’s commitment to cross-kicking at all costs, Jordie’s behind-the-back pass for Julian Savea’s try, or the younger sibling’s horrible night with the kicking tee.

Jordie landed only three out of seven conversion attempts, which is down there with Beauden’s garbage efforts of earlier in the season. This meant that while the Canes had run in four tries in the first half, they only led by six points at the break because the Stormers’ Robert du Preez was nailing everything – including converting a fundamentally perfect lineout drive try.

It was around this point that the commentators pointed out that the Canes have only kicked three penalties all year, and two of them came in their only loss (to the Chiefs).

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In the battle of conservative accumulation tactics and blatant showboating, the confidence of the home side eventually blew the visitors away. Beauden’s supremely confident cross-kick on his own 5m line to Julian Savea set up Ngani Laumape for the game-sealing try, encapsulating the Hurricanes’ entire existence.

Later on, in the Shangri-La of shoddy tackling and judicial capital of South Africa, the Cheetahs started the way they start pretty much every home game – with a long range try.

While the goal kicking was a lot better from the Kiwi side in this game, the Highlanders and Cheetahs eventually combined for a classic Super Rugby aggregate of 86 points and 11 tries by the time the final whistle was blown. The Highlanders eventually won 45-41 through an incredible comeback, running in three tries in the last five minutes, through some very weary defence that was never that great to begin with.

It was a comeback so improbable that Highlanders coach Tony Brown was happy to admit that he’d ‘given up’ in the final stages. It was even more remarkable when you consider that the visitors managed to rack up all those points while only having 14 players on the field for a quarter of the game.

Of course, as much as northern pundits like to think so, Super Rugby isn’t always like this. Already this season, we’ve seen the Sharks and Rebels play out a 9-9 draw that would’ve looked right at home on a rainy night in an English stadium full of blokes enjoying a bit of time off from their wives and kids.

But, when it really comes down to it, I think we’re all happier that it’s known for high scores, Barrett brother antics, a champion team that’s scored 57 tries in just over half a season, the ability of the Cheetahs to telepathically transmit their defensive frailties to their opponents whenever they play at home, or comebacks that rival Jesus rising from the dead.

Long live Super Rugby.

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