Northern Edition

Select Edition

Northern Northern
Southern Southern
Global Global
New Zealand New Zealand
France France

Please do not laugh at this rugby player's name

Faraj Fartass (Photo: Getty Images)

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you… then you win
– Gandhi

Flatulence is defined in the medical literature as “flatus expelled through the anus”
– Wikipedia

Let me tell you about a man.

ADVERTISEMENT

He’s 20 years old, 1.92m tall, and weighs 92kgs. He’s a promising professional rugby player who recently scored two tries against Ireland for the French under-20 team. He has a family. A home. A life.

None of that matters because his name… is Faraj Fartass.

Being stuck with a so-called “funny” name is an everlasting curse. Just ask Boston Patriots defensive halfback Dick Felt or Major League Baseball outfielder Rusty Kuntz. Their All-Star appearances and spectacular plays will fade into insignificance. Their tombstones will be unfairly engraved with a link to this Buzzfeed list of silly sports names.

[rugbypass-ad-banner id=”1473723660″]

Fartass awaits the same fate. All people want to do is laugh at him. Well, the Irish weren’t laughing when Fartass tore through them at Donnybrook in February. Stade Francais weren’t laughing when they decided they wanted a Fartass on their team.

Clued-up rugby fans have known about Fartass for some time, but his name only reached the mainstream recently when popular Twitter user Stefan_Heck linked to his profile with the caption “No way”. US TV host Chris Hayes replied “This is the best content on this website I’ve seen all day”. Another Twitter user posted this reply.

ADVERTISEMENT

Laugh it up media hacks. I bet you’ve not once had to think even once about whether your achievements will be overshadowed by the fact your name is a combination of words that summon to mind both the forceful expulsion of evaporated poop and the sweaty skin cylinders that house the body’s gas hole.

Not so for Fartass. He’s spent his life training while other youths make memes and have sex on the internet. At just 20 years old, he has become an elite athlete. And somehow he has made the million sacrifices necessary to achieve that dream despite knowing deep down all his work will become a mere footnote beneath a bunch of neon signwriting reading “HIS NAME IS FARTASS LMAO”.

His labours shouldn’t be in vain. It’s time to respect Fartass. He is not a fart, nor an ass. He is a man. He may have children. And those children will be little Fartasses. Do you want them to think of their dad as a hero or a walking reminder of a noisy emission that comes out of butts when it’s toilet time?

Shame on you jokers. Shame on you tweeters. You know who else they laughed at? That’s right: Jesus (Luke 18). I hope you turn from your jibes and join me in wishing Fartass an explosive career. One that surprises with its devastation, and leaves opponents gasping for air. To be clear, a career that is like a fart. From an ass. A Fartass. His name is Fartass. Thank you.

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

LIVE

{{item.title}}

Trending on RugbyPass

Comments

1 Comment
m
melon 1151 days ago

LMAO HIS NAME IS FARTASS

Join free and tell us what you really think!

Sign up for free
ADVERTISEMENT

Latest Features

Comments on RugbyPass

B
BeamMeUp 12 minutes ago
The Springboks have something you don't have

A few comments. Firstly, I am a Bok fan and it's been a golden period for us. I hope my fellow Bok fans appreciate this time and know that it cannot last forever, so soak it all in!


The other thing to mention (and this is targeted at Welsh, English and even Aussie supporters who might be feeling somewhat dejected) is that it's easy to forget that just before Rassie Erasmus took over in 2018, the Boks were ranked 7th in the world and I had given up hope we'd ever be world beaters again.


Sport is a fickle thing and Rassie and his team have managed to get right whatever little things it takes to make a mediocre team great. I initially worried his methods might be short-lived (how many times can you raise a person's commitment by talking about his family and his love of his country as a motivator), but he seems to have found a way. After winning in 2019 on what was a very simple game plan, he has taken things up ever year - amazing work which has to be applauded! (Dankie Rassie! Ons wardeer wat jy vir die ondersteuners en die land doen!) (Google translate if you don't understand Afrikaans! 😁)


I don't think people outside South Africa fully comprehend the enormity of the impact seeing black and white, English, Afrikaans and Xhosa and all the other hues playing together does for the country's sense of unity. It's pure joy and happiness.


This autumn tour has been a bit frustrating in that the Boks have won, but never all that convincingly. On the one hand, I'd like to have seen more decisive victories, BUT what Rassie has done is expose a huge number of players to test rugby, whilst also diversifying the way the Boks play (Tony Brown's influence).


This change of both style and personnel has resulted in a lack of cohesion at times and we've lost some of the control, whereas had we been playing our more traditional style, that wouldn't happen. This is partially attributable to the fact that you cannot play Tony Brown's expansive game whilst also having 3 players available at every contact point to clear the defence off the ball. I have enjoyed seeing the Boks play a more exciting, less attritional game, which is a boring, albeit effective spectacle. So, I am happy to be patient, because the end justifies the means (and I trust Rassie!). Hopefully all these players we are blooding will give us incredible options for substitutions come next year's Rugby Championship and of course, the big prize in 2027.


Last point! The game of rugby has never been as exciting as it is now. Any of Ireland, New Zealand, South Africa, France, Argentina, Scotland, England & Australia can beat one another. South Africa may be ranked #1, but I wouldn't bet my house in them beating France or New Zealand, and we saw Argentina beating both South Africa and New Zealand this year! That's wonderful for the game and makes the victories we do get all the sweeter. Each win is 100% earned. Long may it last!


Sorry for the long post! 🏉🌍

12 Go to comments
TRENDING
TRENDING The Springboks have something you don't have The Springboks have something you don't have
Search