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The Second Bledisloe Test: A Tale Of Two Dog Acts

Owen Franks

Saturday night’s second Bledisloe Cup test saw a comfortable All Black victory, a beginner’s guide to lip-reading profanity from Michael Cheika and a couple of dog acts – one funny, the other not so much – go unpunished. Jamie Wall explains.

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Watch: All Blacks vs Wallabies – Wellington test Full Game | Condensed


Even the most ardent All Black fans will be scratching their heads as to how they got away with this one. Six minutes after the kickoff, All Black prop Owen Franks decided to put his hands in Wallaby lock Kane Douglas’ eyes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SOmTJBiwfY

This happened directly in front of referee Roman Poite, who took no action. The citing commissioner after the game, again saw nothing wrong.

That’s inconsistent at best, and utterly insane at worst. Richard Loe did this to Greg Cooper in 1992, which led to him being banned for 26 weeks. Schalk Burger copped eight weeks off for this piece of amatuer optometry on Luke Fitzgerald in 2009. Troy Flavell was originally sentenced to a year off for eye gouging Steve Skinnon in 1997, although that was reduced on appeal.

Later it in the game, replacement Wallaby halfback Nick Phipps’ tackle on Malakai Fekitoa left him with the All Black second five’s boot in his possession. The most rational thing he could think to do was to hurl said boot as far away as he could.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vL2vAf4C7U

Phipps’ form wouldn’t look out of place on a grenade testing range; with a little coaching he could push for a spot in Australia’s 2020 Olympic shotput team. By the looks of it someone in the crowd got themselves a pretty unique souvenir. It still isn’t clear exactly how long it took Fekitoa to rectify his bootlessness, or even if he did at all, given that he was subbed shortly after.

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There are no rugby-related precedents to compare Phipps’ actions with, however the shoe toss has been seen in American politics and Hollywood on the odd occasion. Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush were both on the receiving end of an angry footwear assault, while Phipps may be have been inspired by this classic scene from Austin Powers.

 
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Obviously the unpunished eye gouge is the more serious of the two; thankfully it doesn’t seem to have done Douglas any lasting harm. However, it has done a bit to the All Blacks’ reputation – both as a team that pushes the laws to the limit, and also as one that seems to get favourable treatment both on and off the field.

As for the Wallabies, the boot hurling episode will most likely be consigned to sports comedy reels rather than the judiciary. But it does give a pretty clear indication of just how desperate and frustrated a team that has lost all five tests so far this year is getting.

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fl 3 hours ago
‘The problem with this year’s Champions Cup? Too many English clubs’

"Right, so even if they were the 4 worst teams in Champions Cup, you'd still have them back by default?"

I think (i) this would literally never happen, (ii) it technically couldn't quite happen, given at least 1 team would qualify via the challenge cup, so if the actual worst team in the CC qualified it would have to be because they did really well after being knocked down to the challenge cup.

But the 13th-15th teams could qualify and to be fair I didn't think about this as a possibility. I don't think a team should be able to qualify via the Champions Cup if they finish last in their group.


Overall though I like my idea best because my thinking is, each league should get a few qualification spots, and then the rest of the spots should go to the next best teams who have proven an ability to be competitive in the champions cup. The elite French clubs generally make up the bulk of the semi-final spots, but that doesn't (necessarily) mean that the 5th-8th best French clubs would be competitive in a slimmed down champions cup. The CC is always going to be really great competition from the semis onwards, but the issue is that there are some pretty poor showings in the earlier rounds. Reducing the number of teams would help a little bit, but we could improve things further by (i) ensuring that the on-paper "worst" teams in the competition have a track record of performing well in the CC, and (ii) by incentivising teams to prioritise the competition. Teams that have a chance to win the whole thing will always be incentivised to do that, but my system would incentivise teams with no chance of making the final to at least try to win a few group stage matches.


"I'm afraid to say"

Its christmas time; there's no need to be afraid!

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