Ten Types Of People You Meet Watching Rugby At The Pub

Lee Calvert presents a comprehensive guide to the ten types of people you are guaranteed to encounter when venturing out to watch international rugby at the pub.

1. Offside Man
Believes himself to be a student of the game and in particular the laws. He demonstrates this by shouting “offside!” at every single breakdown, and regularly in open play whenever there is a kick out of hand. He could be referee Johnny Lacey.

2. Johnny and Jenny Come Lately
Brand spanking new shirts on, positioned at the front having been in the pub for four hours because “they love the rugby”. Will be nowhere to be seen when domestic rugby fixtures are on in same venue next May.

3. Intense Silence Man
Stares at the screen for the full 80 minutes without saying a single word. Has a look on his face like he’s trying to hold in a bout of the shits. Will audibly exhale when the final whistle goes.

4. Football Fan
Attending only because his mates are into rugby. Will make loud comments about how he doesn’t understand what’s going on and numerous points about football being “the biggest sport in the world for a reason, you know.”

5. Inconspicuous Markings Man
Usually a pensioner. Will only give away his support by wearing a small pin badge eg. a leek or a rose. Sings the anthem with great gusto.

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6. The Alternative Commentary
“Youngs has got it, Farrell moves forward, should’ve used the dummy run from Joseph there, gone wide now, needs to go left again, lovely clear out, ball’s there! It’s there! decent pass that, chipped over the top, not sure about that decision. Where’s the chase?” Dreadful human being.

7. Out Since 9am
Asleep.

8. The Bar Monitor
Nerdy lad/lass in charge of the kitty and going back and forward to the bar during play. Happy to have some friends, whatever the cost.

9. The Rugby Hipster
Knows about tactics and will not stop banging on about how the out to in is not really working and the second wave is not being utilised. You have to use all your self control not to glass him by the 12th minute of the first half.

10. Banter Man
Fancies himself a comedian and makes quips after after every passage of play, xenophobic slurs towards opposition fans and is very, very pleased with himself. No-one else is pleased with him. At all.