Things we miss about rugby from 10 years ago

The world is a crazy, ever-changing nightmare of a place. Just when you think you’ve figured it out, it all changes shape again and then bursts into flames, like that lava lamp I had as a kid.

A time-traveller from 30 years ago would be baffled by the fact that we all possess tiny devices capable of accessing all of the world’s knowledge, which we instead use for catching imaginary monsters and abusing strangers for their opinions on popular culture.

Someone from 20 years ago would laugh in your face if you told them the President of the USA was the guy from that Home Alone cameo, and the most likely contender to replace him is the world’s biggest movie star Rocky Maivia. Even looking back 10 years brings to light some strange and forgotten relics of how things used to be.

Let’s take a nostalgic wander back a decade to reminisce about some of the things we miss about rugby union:

Size Differences:
Rugby has always billed itself as a sport for everyone – no matter your shape or size there’s a position for you. Small and speedy with a penchant for hair gel? You’ll be a winger. Love a pie? Prop. Violent headcase? Flanker. Mouthy and irritating? Scrum half.

Now, everyone is bloody massive. Shane Williams is often referenced as proof that you don’t need to be a big guy to make it in rugby and he was admittedly one of the best in the world in his day. But the modern game has moved on, and even the smallest of players need to be able to run through a brick wall without batting an eyelid. There are still a few smaller players about, but watching a Jonah Lomu trample through a Mike Catt is only going to become less likely as the years go by. The Welsh backs of 2015 were bigger than the New Zealand forwards of 1987, and the disparity between backs and forwards is shrinking rapidly. The formerly rapid increase in player size has plateaued somewhat, but the modern game demands all players can sidestep and shimmy, as well as smash and crash.

Backs can no longer shirk the tackle, and every international forward worth their salt should be able to attempt a half-decent drop goal, even if it is like watching a sea lion trying to doing ballet.

Proper Rucking:
Truth be told the true art of rucking had already been somewhat lost by 2007, but elements still remained. Sure you wouldn’t see anyone doing the Brian Moore mountain goat impression, but it was still generally accepted that if someone was lying on the wrong side of the ruck a shout of “GIVE HIM A SHOE-ING!” would ring round the stadium.

Now when we see anyone launching themselves headfirst into a mass of bodies like Jacques Burger fired from a cannon we look immediately to the referee to send the offending projectile to the sin bin. Oh for the days when “player welfare” meant taping their ears back on and buying them a pint. Rucking back in 2007 even merited academic study, as researches attempted to discover a link between ruck frequency and match success. More recent research has objectively indicated that rucking has significantly decreased since 2007, and that rucks are less likely to result in turnovers, meaning that my angry ramblings are backed up by scientific evidence for once.

A competitive Southern Hemisphere:
In 2007, South Africa edged England to cap off a brilliant and unpredictable world cup. Argentina cemented their place on the world stage with a respectable third place finish. Australia and New Zealand dominated their groups but crashed out in the first knockout round to England and France respectively.
The “Big Three” Southern Hemisphere sides were constantly vying for top spot in the world rankings and were seen as the biggest scalps any side could claim. Any of the three could beat anyone else on their day. In 2017 however, things are very different. New Zealand are still sitting pretty of course, but despite an impressive showing against the Pumas in the opening of the Rugby Championship South Africa haven’t been a real threat for several years and the less said about Australian Rugby Union right now the better. In the last couple of years, both sides plummeted to their lowest rankings in history at 7th and 6th respectively. It makes us long for the days when…

New Zealand didn’t dominate everything:
New Zealand has near enough always been the best team in the world. They’ve never slipped below third in the world rankings and have spent more time in the top spot than the rest of the world combined.

Despite that, you could always rely on the Kiwis to choke in major tournaments and give the rest of us a fair chance. It became something of a running joke, as in 2007 the All Blacks plummeted out of a third consecutive tournament that they’d been expected to run away with. However, come 2011 and the curse had been broken. Now, they’ve sorted that out and pretty much any contest with New Zealand in is a foregone conclusion. It’s just selfish is what it is. Having said that, the All Blacks still have a habit of dropping the Rugby Championship in

Cup-winning years, so you can at least use their rare losses as a valuable predictive tool for betting your life savings on the next world cup.