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'This has been one of the toughest years of my life': Nehe Milner-Skudder opens up about mental struggles throughout injury-plagued career

(Photo by Anthony Au-Yeung/Getty Images)

Former All Blacks wing Nehe Milner-Skudder has opened up about going into “dark places” in what he described as “one of the toughest years” of his life.

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Speaking at the opening of New Zealand’s first Suicide Prevention Office as an ambassador for Headfirst, Milner-Skudder shared his personal experiences about the difficulties of dealing with the constant raft of injuries that have plagued him since he first burst onto the international scene four years ago.

The 28-year-old made his All Blacks debut in 2015 after barnstorming campaigns with Manawatu and the Hurricanes, and went on to play a starring role in New Zealand’s World Cup victory that year.

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Famous for his wicked sidestep, Milner-Skudder also claimed the inaugural World Rugby Breakthrough Player of the Year award, but his budding career hit a standstill in the ensuing four years as constant injuries started to take its toll on the speedster.

After scoring eight tries in his first eight tests in 2015, the Taihape native only managed five more appearances for the All Blacks between 2016 and 2018, with his last outing coming during the All Blacks’ 69-31 win over Japan in Tokyo last November.

A persistent shoulder has since thwarted his chances to taking to the field at all this year, meaning he didn’t get another opportunity to play one last time for Manawatu, the Hurricanes or the All Blacks.

“For me, personally this has been one of the toughest years in my life, my career to date,” he said on Wednesday.

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“Some of you may have noticed I haven’t taken the field at all this year, to not be able to do something or to do what you love doing… I really struggled.

“Out of all the injuries I’ve suffered, the many setbacks I’ve had in my career this was by far the hardest to digest.”

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“I’d built up in my head what this year was going to look like and I watched it shatter in pieces right in front of me and there was nothing I could do about it.”

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The 13-test star said despite finding way to help to deal with the issues he encountered, he “still felt myself going into some pretty dark places”.

“I started to get these negative thoughts about being judged, distancing myself from others out of fear of what they might think, how it’d be played out in the media. It all took its toll.”

“Although I’ve gone through these challenging times, I know I’m way better equipped to cope and work through them.

“I know what it feels like to get down, but I also know I am one of the few extremely lucky and privilege to have the resources to help me.”

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Milner-Skudder said he wanted to ensure that others had access to the resources that have been available to him throughout his career.

“My rugby career has taught me we all feel pressure and anxiety and we all get down at times, it’s easy to bottle things up, I’ve seen the negative effects that can have on myself and my teammates.”

He described his role with Headfirst, an organisation which provides mental health help and wellness to rugby players, as “humbling”.

“Through this work I’ve discovered a lot about myself, and also realised things need to change around the stigma around mental health, masculinity in society and rugby. Being part of that change has been bloody important to me.”

“Many of the participants, many of my teammates have come from the most at risk demographic, young, male Maori and Pasifika.”

“It breaks me saying that.”

The inauguration of the Suicide Prevention Office, launched to help lower New Zealand’s suicide rate, went alongside a community suicide prevention fund of $12 million for Maori and Pacific people.

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Oh no, not him again? 2 hours ago
England internationals disagree on final play execution vs All Blacks

Okay, so we blew it big time on Saturday. So rather than repeating what most people have all ready said, what do I want to see from Borthwick going forward?


Let's keep Marcus Smith on the pitch if he's fit and playing well. I was really pleased with his goal kicking. It used to be his weakness. I feel sympathy for George Ford who hadn't kicked all match and then had a kick to win the game. You hear pundits and commentators commend kickers who have come off the bench and pulled that off. Its not easy. If Steve B continues to substitute players with no clear reason then he is going to get criticised.


On paper I thought England would beat NZ if they played to their potential and didn't show NZ too much respect. Okay, the off the ball tackles certainly stopped England scoring tries, but I would have liked to see more smashing over gainlines and less kicking for position. Yes, I also know it's the Springbok endorsed world cup double winning formula but the Kiwi defence isn't the Bok defence, is it. If you have the power to put Smith on the front foot then why muzzle him? I guess what I'm saying is back, yourself. Why give the momentum to a team like NZ? Why feed the beast? Don't give the ball to NZ. Well d'uh.


Our scrum is a long term weakness. If you are going to play Itoje then he needs an ogre next door and a decent front row. Where is our third world class lock? Where are are realible front row bench replacements? The England scrum has been flakey for a while now. It blows hot and cold. Our front five bench is not world class.


On the positive side I love our starting backrow right now. I'd like to see them stick together through to the next world cup.


Anyway, there is always another Saturday.

7 Go to comments
C
CO 2 hours ago
Scott Robertson responds to criticism over All Blacks' handling errors

Robertson is more a manager of coaches than a coach so it comes down to intent of outcomes at a high level. I like his intent, I like the fact his Allblacks are really driving the outcomes however as he's pointed out the high error rates are not test level and their control of the game is driving both wins and losses. England didn't have to play a lot of rugby, they made far fewer mistakes and were extremely unlucky not to win.


In fact the English team were very early in their season and should've been comfortably beaten by an Allblacks team that had played multiple tests together.


Razor has himself recognised that to be the best they'll have to sort out the crisis levels of mistakes that have really increased since the first two tests against England.


Early tackles were a classic example of hyper enthusiasm to not give an inch, that passion that Razor has achieved is going to be formidable once the unforced errors are eliminated.


That's his secret, he's already rebuilt the passion and that's the most important aspect, its inevitable that he'll now eradicate the unforced errors. When that happens a fellow tier one nation is going to get thrashed. I don't think it will be until 2025 though.


The Allblacks will lose both tests against Ireland and France if they play high error rates rugby like they did against England.


To get the unforced errors under control he's going to be needing to handover the number eight role to Sititi and reset expectations of what loose forwards do. Establish a clear distinction with a large, swarthy lineout jumper at six that is a feared runner and dominant tackler and a turnover specialist at seven that is abrasive in contact. He'll then need to build depth behind the three starters and ruthlessly select for that group to be peaking in 2027 in hit Australian conditions on firm, dry grounds.


It's going to help him that Savea is shifting to the worst super rugby franchise where he's going to struggle behind a beaten pack every week.


The under performing loose forward trio is the key driver of the high error rates and unacceptable turn overs due to awol link work. Sititi is looking like he's superman compared to his openside and eight.


At this late stage in the season they shouldn't be operating with just the one outstanding loose forward out of four selected for the English test. That's an abject failure but I think Robertson's sacrificing link quality on purpose to build passion amongst the junior Allblacks as they see the reverential treatment the old warhorses are receiving for their long term hard graft.


It's unfortunately losing test matches and making what should be comfortable wins into nail biters but it's early in the world cup cycle so perhaps it's a sacrifice worth making.


However if this was F1 then Sam Cane would be Riccardo and Ardie would be heading into Perez territory so the loose forwards desperately need revitalisation through a rebuild over the next season to complement the formidable tight five.

28 Go to comments
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