LONG READ 2025 Lions' selection: An idiot's guide

There are three things every mother’s son is convinced he can do better than every other mother’s son; namely, drive a car, spark up a barbecue and pick a Lions team. Generically, this is known as male hubris and it’s why we have such things as motor insurance, fire extinguishers and Andy Farrell.

But since artless, unsolicited opinions are the zeitgeist of our witless world and since I happen to have just such a bundle of ill-informed, half-arsed advice on the 2025 Lions sitting right here doing nothing, it feels like a waste not to share it. In next week’s must-read column, l’ll be outlining, in 30 fail-safe steps, how to parallel-park a Volkswagen Polo.

So, what are our non-negotiables here? Well, the bottom line is Faz needs guys built from what Tom Wolfe identified as ‘The Right Stuff’; in other words folk like himself, which means he’ll be assessing DNA like a molecular biologist. If you listen to what the Irish players say about the man, the ‘family’ vibe is everything, so – coaches, players – he’ll want an almost ‘Goodfellas’ feel to his outfit, hopefully without the whackings and the wiseguys.

Selection-wise, he kicks off with Wednesday’s announcement of his coaching ticket; arguably, given the relentless weekend/midweek itinerary, the most gruelling jobs on the tour. ‘How far afield will you be looking?’ Farrell was asked when he took the job. ’As far as I need to,’ was his elliptical reply. But, as with the players, it’s about balance, contrasting personalties and, that phrase again, having ‘the right people on the bus’. Except, of course, the right people might not make it to the bus. Players never say ‘no’ to the Lions but coaches do; or else, their unions say it for them.

So who’ll be where? Up front, the stand-out man is Paul O’Connell, the more so given Steve Borthwick’s heading to Argentina. That one, surely, goes through on the nod; I don’t think we need a CV or a letter of introduction. Scrum coach? The Lions, oddly, went without a separate specialist in 2021 and might do so again. But if they want some chalk-face expertise, they’re spoilt for choice and while the lovable John Fogarty would be the clear front-runner, whoever’s chosen will put a hefty dent in the breakfast budget. That one might need running past the bean-counters.

Attack? Ticklish. Gregor Townsend’s the incumbent, knows the ropes and brings a Head Chef’s chops to the Coaches’ Meetings; this in a squad of players that’ll likely have a swathe of Tartan running through it. But Gregor’s Scotland contract runs out in a year. Would he – or, more pertinently, would the SRU – prefer him to stick with the day job and lead the Summer Tour to Tahiti or wherever it is they’re going? Internal politics, so it’s rumoured, scuppered him in 2017. It might do so again.

Which leaves Farrell where? Andrew Goodman he knows well, likewise Richard Wigglesworth, whose stock has suddenly risen without trace. Ronan O’Gara? He’s probably got quite enough on his plate already. Johnny Sexton? Bold. Matt Sherratt? Might need a lie-down, bless him. No question, the attack gig is the hardest one to call.

Elsewhere, Steve Tandy currently holds the keys to the Department of Defence and, to his boots, he’s a Farrell photofit. The ‘popular’ call would, presumably, be Shaun Edwards, the more so given he’d swim to Australia if required and save the Lions a Club Class airfare. But, again, he has a day job to do this summer in New Zealand, unless the FFR reckons that seven weeks’ working with the cream of the Home Nations offers invaluable, intelligence opportunities. What is the French for ‘keeping up with the – Felix – Joneses’?

Another option is that Farrell does the job himself; after all, he’s worn this very shirt twice before. But that’s, surely, too heavy a load, even for a workhorse such as him. Which, perhaps, opens the door to Jacques Nienaber. Leinster’s defence has been 15-man sandbag this season and Nienaber’s palmares are sans pareil. His perspective, input and Rugby Championship insight into the Australians could prove priceless.

Which just leaves kicking/skills, where Neil Jenkins has been not just part of the furniture but THE furniture for the past four tours. Pole position would presumably be his. But if Farrell fancies a freshen up, then he might go Jonny – Wilkinson or Sexton, if he’s not running the attack – or, perhaps, Kevin Sinfield, who, again, offers both a different perspective and inspirational, life-affirming qualities. He’d be a hugely respected choice.

There’s a lot here for Farrell to get his head around. The whisper is that the back-room team will be Irish-heavy, understandable given the time-frame. You need guys you know inside and out but, at the same time, you want a breath or two of fresh air. Were I Farrell – and right here and now, I absolutely am – I’d be looking at the obvious options and finding a role for the best other blokes available.
O’CONNELL/FOGARTY/TOWNSEND/NIENABER/SEXTON/SINFIELD

As to the players? Well, before Farrell gets round to who, he’ll need to decide on how many. Thirty seven went to Australia in 2013 with nine replacements; New Zealand in 2017 was 41+8 and South Africa in 2021 was 37+5 so, based on these templates, you’re looking at somewhere around 21/22 forwards and 16/18 backs. If he’s plumping for a few French exiles, he might need elasticity earlier in the tour; he’s also got to work out how to crew the midweek game in Melbourne between the First and Second Tests. As Warren Gatland discovered in 2017, that’s a sod of a problem.

The French connection seems to be perplexing folk. I’m not sure why. ‘They won’t have enough time ahead of the First Test’, seems to be the naysayers’ argument; very possibly, but it’s a three-Test series and, if past experience is a guide, selection can vary wildly. In 2021, the 23 for the Second Test showed four alterations to the First and the team for the Third had ten changes from the one which started the Second. So there’s plenty of time for any ‘Frenchies’ to contribute in the decisive stages of the tour.

We digress. Faz also has to consider how he wants his team to play. What might Australia offer and who might best exploit their weaknesses? Will he be looking at a 6/2 bench as standard or a mix ’n’ match with 5/3s? All will be factors. But make no mistake, this is where the alchemy lies and where Faz will earn his corn. What he needs to pick is a bunch of blokes who all have a chance of earning a place in the 23-man Test Series. No one’s interested in midweek makeweights; Lions’ Tours are judged on the Tests. So, as of now, here we go.

Loosehead prop: Andrew Porter, surely, is nailed on: likewise, Ellis Genge, who can also help out with media liaison. Hey, we jest. The third spot, should belong to Pierre Schoeman but those who pretend to know about these things reckon there are few better scrummagers than Nicky Smith. Third place here will be an inches call.
PORTER/GENGE/SCHOEMAN

Hooker: Dan Sheehan’s already on the plane, possibly landing it on the runway in Perth given his nose for steering fast-moving objects towards white lines. Thereafter it’s a bunfight. Dewi Lake’s rusty but harder than a gun barrel, plus there’s Luke Cowan-Dickie – a two-test Lions’ starter in 2021- Jamie George – a three-Test Lions’ starter in 2017 – and the redoubtable Ronan Kelleher. Sheehan apart, this one could plausibly go in any direction.
SHEEHAN/KELLEHER/GEORGE

Tighthead prop: Assuming he’s in one piece, Tadhg Furlong’s a certainty; so too Zander Fagerson and Will Stuart. This is the shortest discussion of the selection meeting and, potentially, an early fag break. Which of these three starts the First Test will be a somewhat longer conversation.
FURLONG/FAGERSON/STUART

Second row: Now, here’s where things get truly awkward given (a) there’s more at the buffet than anyone can plausibly eat and (b) ideally, you’d want both hybrids and – looking at the Aussie front five – heft. Maro Itoje, Ollie Chessum, Tadhg Beirne and Dafydd Jenkins would be the Six Nations form/work horses but Joe McCarthy, James Ryan and Ryan Baird will all be bang in the conversation, possibly alongside the luckless Scott Cummings; let’s not forget, too, Dave Ribbans and Courtney Lawes over the water. This one could take forever to thrash out. Ribbans appears to be the darkest of Shire horses; he’s not just ripping it up in the Top 14 but he’s RCToulon’s captain and could add much to the mix beyond his boundless frame. It probably won’t happen but let’s take a punt anyway.
BIERNE/McCARTHY/CHESSUM/ITOJE/RIBBANS

Back row: Again, a hideous decision. The relatively simple part is probably No 8 with Caelan Doris and Jack Conan. Taulupe Faletau? Tough to argue against the two Irish boys and three is one too many. Beyond that, cups overflow; Josh van der Flier, Rory Darge, Jamie Ritchie, Jack Dempsey, Ben Curry, Tom Curry, Ben Earl, Jac Morgan, Jack Willis? Where’s the aspirin? Morgan has to go, Earl offers all-court versatility and there’ll be at least one Curry on the menu, possibly two. Ritchie’s ripped up trees in the latter part of the Six Nations, Darge at the start and Willis offers a precious whiff of Toulouse. But the breakdown will be a right ruckus so let’s bring every dog we’ve got.
DORIS/CONAN/MORGAN/EARL/CURRYT/CURRYB/WILLIS/RITCHIE

Scrum-half: There’s one certainty here in JG-P and, thereafter, three guys – Alex Mitchell, Ben White and Tomos Williams – scrapping it out for two places. One has to miss out; tough to say who.
GIBSON-PARK/MITCHELL/WHITE

Fly-half: Bugger me, one of those again. Finn Russell would be a staggering leave-behind and Fin Smith has probably played his way in via (a) the French win and (b) his nerveless consistency. Which leaves us with Sam Prendergast, Jack Crowley, Marcus Smith, George Ford and the elephant in the room, Farrell Jnr. The first two haven’t quite convinced, Owen Farrell’s spent an awful long time on sick leave in a struggling team, which leaves t’other Smith and George Ford. Given Finn’s a maverick and Fin’s newly-hatched, Ford, who’s neither, gives the trio a better balance. Again, ibble-dibble.
RUSSELL/SMITHF/FORD

Midfield: Assuming he can pass the medical, Sione Tuipulotu, is inked in, as is Bundee Aki. Thirteen’s a tougher choice, the more so having lost Ollie Lawrence. It’s impossible to see how Huw Jones can be ignored which leaves you with one of Robbie Henshaw, Garry Ringrose, and, just possibly, Joe Marchant, Max Llewellyn or Elliot Daly. The Irish boys haven’t had a stand-out Six Nations, Marchant and Llewellyn are a long way under the radar but Daly offers two-Tour Lions’ Test experience, penknife options across the back four and a 55m left boot when eyeing up the poles. It’s another wafer-thin call but Daly might sneak it.
TUIPULOTU/AKI/JONES/DALY

Back three: Once more, some measure of flexibility is required here in terms of position, hoof and the aerial game. James Lowe, Tommy Freeman and Blair Kinghorn are bankers; Freeman might also give you an extra 13 option; Kinghorn a back-up 10. Darcy Graham absolutely deserves to be there and DvdM looks to have added some significant ‘us’ to his ‘me’ game. Hugo Keenan hasn’t had a scrapbook Six Nations but he’s a drool of a footballer and Blair Murray would be the final flutter. He’s caught the eye every time he’s played and, again, offers genuine flexibility.
LOWE/FREEMAN/KINGHORN/GRAHAM/vdMERWE/KEENAN/MURRAY

Look, there are umpteen guys not in there who could well figure. Chandler Cunningham-South is one; Matt Fagerson another. Wider out, Tom Jordan will be in the chat, likewise Mack Hansen, and, just possibly, two guys who missed the Six Nations, George Furbank and Antoine Dupont’s favourite English player, Manny Feyi-Waboso. MF-W, in particular, might yet surprise us all, if he can prove fitness and form.

But adding it up, we appear to have 39, comprising 22 forwards and 17 backs, split, if you’re counting and of course you are, between England (15), Ireland (12), Scotland (10) and Wales (2). Faz’s choice, obviously, will be much smarter and, possibly, much greener but while there’s a bundle of freshmen in there, nine of these guys are, or have been, Test captains. Which brings us to …

Captain. Personally, I wouldn’t bother. Pick the right XV for each game and toss one of them the arm-band. The Lions is a collegiate gig and, let’s face it, a Tour skipper’s going to skip for, what, half of the ten matches? The rest of the time he’s a regimental goat.

But given a Lions’ Captain’s as traditional as turkey and given Yer Man’s got to be nailed on for the Test Series, the consensus seems to be swinging the way of Maro Itoje. Jac Morgan would be a slightly left-field choice – after all, it’s about time we had a Welsh Lions’ Captain – but Harrow Maro looks to be a nose in front of Caelan Doris.

Then again, we could go a bit ‘Conclave’ and invite the players themselves to choose; pick a squad, sit them down in a sealed room with a biretta and a zucchetto apiece and let them vote it out until we get a puff of white smoke. Mind you, if you know how Robert Harris’ papal potboiler ends, perhaps not.

But whoever’s captain and whoever goes, will the Lions win? The bookies make them 8/15 to romp the series, which are bold numbers. True, the Wallabies will be short of hit-outs but they’re looking sprightly in Super Rugby Pacific, they’ve some stand-out athletes and Joe Schmidt’s no one’s idea of two short planks. This might yet – and I say so hopefully – be much, much tighter than some people think.