LONG READ England’s clunky chariot desperately trying to splutter into life

The English chariot is turning that corner with all the slick, smooth speed of a JCB with a punctured tyre. Clunky, fractured, fortunate but still inching forwards, not so much inexorably as barely visible to the naked eye. But better that slow direction of travel than an abrupt reversal of fortunes which was entirely plausible deep into added time only for King Finn to take a tumble from his pedestal. The ‘phew, that was a close one,’ mood is a far better feeling to have than the pit-of-the-stomach damn-and-drat emptiness that the Scots will be feeling. Onwards – just about. As ugly wins go, it was of Notre Dame Hunchback levels.

England had been slated – and rightly so – for their inability to close out victories across the last 12 months. They have been criticised too for failing to capitalise on their last-gasp thriller against Ireland in last season’s championship. England were on the rack coming into the France game a fortnight ago. Scotland represented a moment of truth, of approbation or denigration. Were England the real deal or just lucky buggers, as had surely been the case against France? Or were they made of something more substantial? The truth of the matter is that, yes, they are lucky buggers but as Napoleon said, give me lucky generals any time over well-qualified, highly-regarded losers.

This is where England find themselves in mid-tournament. Moving Saturday, engine chugging, the chariot desperately trying to splutter into life. Turbo-charged they are not, but England have two wins and the Calcutta Cup back in the Twickenham trophy cabinet. They do, of course, owe a massive debt of gratitude to Scotland who, by the barometer of scoring three sumptuous tries to one short-range, knuckle-drive effort from Tommy Freeman (did he actually ground it?), were the better side. Sadly for them, and hip-hip-hooray from England fans, sport is decided by the scoreboard, not some Strictly Come Dancing subjective vote from the judges.

The emotion was more one of relief than euphoria. There was little jubilation or triumphalism. It had been a humdrum affair, raising questions once again as to where England truly are at.

If England were playing Monopoly they would already be on their last chance after being forced to play two get-out-of-jail-cards. Escape from Colditz was a breeze by comparison with how England have managed to get home. Scotland had the opportunity to land an unprecedented fifth Calcutta Cup in a row but, like the ITV production team with their flunked camera angle of Russell’s potentially historic match-winning conversion, they did as the Scotland fly-half did and missed the shot. Russell’s miss (his third failed conversion) was one of those horrible blemishes that happen to goal-kickers. There was no excuse for the ITV blunder.

England won back many hearts and minds – as did Wales against Ireland – with the nature of their defiant play against France a fortnight ago. There was spirit and spunk in so much of what they tried to do that the crowd left re-invigorated as to what might lie ahead after such a wretched 12 months. Yet, much as England deserved their applause at the final whistle on Saturday, the emotion was more one of relief than euphoria. There was little jubilation or triumphalism. It had been a humdrum affair, raising questions once again as to where England truly are at. There might even be a few more doubts swirling around the heads of England followers after the manner of this display. And there were boos.

England kicked and kicked and kicked. You might argue that the strategy paid off with Scotland getting rattled, looking less and less assured, and conceding penalties. True. The game is about pressure. And territory. And all that stat-driven stuff. (By one metric, England’s defence and dominant tackles, whatever the hell that means, was good. I must have imagined the sight of those dark blue Scotland shirts ripping through, then.)

There was precious little exploring on Saturday, whereas Scotland emulated countryman Livingstone with their willingness to reach out towards new territories.

Surely, though, there is room for some pleasure in a side’s strategic approach, too. England’s miserable Calcutta Cup loss at Murrayfield last season was supposed to have been a turning point in the evolution of this generation, throwing off the shackles, liberating themselves from one-pass, one-dimensional rugby to move to those wide open pastures on the fringes of the field. There was precious little exploring on Saturday, whereas Scotland emulated countryman Livingstone with their willingness to reach out towards new territories.

Scotland flowed and probed, with centres Tom Jordan and Huw Jones prominent, as were both wings, Kyle Rowe and the irrepressible Duhan van der Merwe, who were on the rampage throughout. There was one point where Van der Merwe gave off Jonah Lomu vibes as he churned forward with three England players grimly hanging on to him. Those white shirts might as well have been Lilliputian rather than Lillywhite’s.

Where to for England now? The win gives them breathing space, more so than after the French game. Even if there were more misgivings about the style and effectiveness of their play against Scotland with their half-cocked defence, a right ‘Cunis’, as was once said of a former New Zealand cricket all-rounder by that name, neither one thing or another, neither blitz nor drift and most certainly not impenetrable as Scotland illustrated. Things improved after the break.

England have to move on. The half-backs are in reasonable order although it was deflating to see Alex Mitchell suppress his natural instincts. England’s one-eyed approach can’t really be laid at Mitchell’s door as he was playing to orders. You yearn for the day when a player might go wholly off-script. What about a one-off tournament where there are no coaches allowed, only players? It would get my vote.

You wonder if Henry Slade can conjure up something that really impacts in the manner that a bloodied Bundee Aki does for Ireland or Jordan and Huw Jones did on Saturday? It’s time to give Fraser Dingwall a crack or move Tommy Freeman infield

Fin Smith wasn’t spectacular, for that is not his way, but he was dependable, notably in his tackling – which is approaching Jonny Wilkinson levels – and for that booming 50-yard penalty which put England six points clear and, as it turned out, on to the winners’ rostrum.

But, and here we are at the nub of England’s predicament, the centre partnership is not yielding dividends. Ollie Lawrence was done by Van der Merwe for the opening try but did at least show some punch at various junctures. The Bath centre has some credit in the bank. But once again, you wonder if Henry Slade can conjure up something that really impacts in the manner that a bloodied Bundee Aki does for Ireland or Jordan and Huw Jones did on Saturday? It’s time to give Fraser Dingwall a crack or move Tommy Freeman infield.

England know that there is a selection poser coming once George Furbank is fit and firing. Or, rather, they know that they have to chuck him the No.15 shirt. Marcus Smith did as Marcus does, alert and involved but he is limited as to how he can truly present the best of himself from so deep. His lack of height will be ruinously exposed one day. He had one slicing run up-field which was easy on the eye but he failed to find the right support runner to maximise it.

There was enough up front for England to be satisfied, their original choices all a bit compromised by injuries. Replacement Ben Curry must have done more than nearly any other player in white, even though he was only on the field for 44 minutes. At the risk of patronising him, for he’s been putting in shifts at the coal-face for many a day, England’s most improved player in terms of prominence is prop Will Stuart. Chapeau.

Italy up next at Twickenham before a trip across the Severn Bridge into a land where the first shoots of springtime recovery are in evidence. England still have a challenging road ahead of them.